What *not* to do on an airplane: A Guide for Muslims

(Photo via wistv.com)

(Photo via wistv.com)

What *not* to do on an airplane: A Guide for Muslims

An incident at the Memphis International Airport in the US on Wednesday gives us guideline number one:

– Don’t spend an “excessive” amount of time in the bathroom.
A man, his wife and child “dressed in attire that would indicate some Muslim-type religion,” were asked to exit the plane because the man spent an “extended period of time” in the lavatory and because “damage was found” inside after he left it.

The “damage” the crew speaks of: a toilet was found “slightly askew” after the man used it.

Rigggght. The plane was searched, nothing was found on it, and the family was put on a later flight.

I think I speak for the rest of the flight-travelling world when I say: airplane toilets are one of the most stressful, constricting and dirty experiences ever. Ever. Using an airplane toilet is demeaning enough, without people having to monitor how much time you spend in it. And an askew toilet? I’ve seen and smelled bodily fluids and substances that have made me question my will to live. Damage, my friends, is the resulting permanent phobia I now have for using public bathrooms.

This leads us to guideline number two:

– If you are a Muslim and you get on an airplane, you should do nothing, say nothing, and sit entirely still. If you turn your head the wrong way, you will ignite suspicion. If you ask the stewardess for a pillow, you will strike fear in the hearts of every other passenger on board. And if you have to go the bathroom… well just forget it, you shouldn’t bother getting on the plane at all.
Bottom Line: If you’re a Muslim you can get kicked off a plane for just being Muslim.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now departing for Islamaphobia, please remember to leave any rational, knowledge-based or balanced perspectives at home.

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