(Photo via thehighdefinite.com)
I enjoy being single. It provides me with invaluable time for stocking up on incredible levels of awesome.
Also, I don’t require constant validation or feel insecure about not having someone to tell me they “love me” every day.
Boyfriends are useful during the winter when body heat becomes a valued commodity to combat the cold weather. But like the Internet, boyfriends ultimately drain my productivity.
Plus, being single means I can be sketchy, hang out with questionably sane people and keep the door wide-open when I go to the bathroom. Pure cavewoman living. Love it.
Relationships, in my opinion, expose the destructive nature of fantasy. A lifetime of television and Disney movies has led us to believe that we are destined to find “the one” who will do everything to make us happy.
Problem is, most people are boring. This factor inevitably leads to an endless cycle of petty, monotonous arguments over nothing. Apparently, you become so bored with each other that you have to continuously fight just to come up with something to say.
If you can manage to get through this extremely annoying, yet poignant parody of every argument that every couple has ever had EVER, then you’ll understand where I’m going with this.
If you are still intent on questioning why I am committed to remaining single for the rest of my life, then I’ll just leave this here.
There. Your argument is countered.
And if you insist on becoming a slave to the subservience of relationships,check out this tried and true method for finding your perfect match, which in my case is a mix of honey-mustard and relish. Bam!
It’s not for me
Just give me motion
And set me free…