Another Kind of #ICantBreathe Protest Revs Up in London

Merry Christmas, ladies: according to the UK government, your girlie cannon juice could be dangerous. On Friday, activists will hit the streets of London to stage a massive face-sitting protest in front of UK’s Parliament. The move comes in response to the December 1 announcement that a number of sex acts, including female ejaculation, spanking and face-sitting will be banned from UK porn sites that charge for content. It’s like London’s version of the #ICantBreathe (but I really, really like it that way, oh yes baby, oh yes, keep going, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh) protests.

About one thing, let’s be clear: the only thing better than sitting on a man’s face, is sitting on a man’s face.  Can I get a “hell’s yeah” up in here? (Hells. Yeah.)

Through an amendment to the 2003 Communications Act, the new regulations impose a number of restrictions that appeal in particular to BDSM, fetish, kink and female-dominatrix focused porn – not to mention – women as a whole. So check out the acts that are banned from being depicted: spanking; caning; aggressive whipping; penetration by any object “associated with violence;” physical or verbal abuse (regardless of whether consensual); urolagnia (known as “water sports”); role-playing as non-adults; physical restraint; humiliation; female ejaculation, strangulation; facesitting and fisting. Those last three acts, by the way: strangulation, facesitting and fisting, were singled out specifically as being “life threatening.”

Couldn’t this whole mess have been averted had someone simply informed the government that using a multitude of verbal and non-verbal safewords between two consenting adults can immediately put an end to any potentially dangerous or harmful situation? And as pretty much everyone but the Tories has recognized, face-sitting is a thing of real beauty and pleasure. If a guy doesn’t like to wrap a woman’s thighs around his head and dive with ferocity into her cooter cave, then he is a weirdo… or not attracted to females.

And while it’s completely draconian for any political body to institute seemingly arbitrary rules about what kind of sex is ok and what kind of sex is not, you could make an ill-informed argument about the dangers of, say, penetration with objects associated with violence. But banning female ejaculation in porn is downright sexist and there isn’t any other way to understand it. The whole thing reeks of double standards. Eating from a woman’s honey pot is somehow considered life threatening, but choking on a guy’s sausage is not.

Make no mistake: it is extremely important to enact laws which ensure protection of sex workers and safeguard the conditions under which they carry out their work, but this law in its current form does nothing to address that. Instead it proposes a wildly inappropriate bias toward banning sex acts that are particularly pleasurable for women. How can you legitimize man jizz, but maintain that lady jizz is not allowed? It would seem the politicians who passed this law didn’t do so to protect sex workers, they did it to impose their standards of morality and sexuality on everyone else. (Meanwhile, MPs allegedly rape and murder children while conveniently ordering security services to cover it all up, but that’s another story.)

The best way to ensure the safety of sex workers is to have strict laws regarding consent, and a system in which any reports of non-consensual sex acts are taken seriously. What about a sex workers union that could work to ensure clean and safe working conditions, fair wages, and benefits or protection of any kind needed?

This legislation simply targets content deemed unsavory. And someone, please, help me out here. Have there been deaths attributed to facesitting? So many, in fact, that the government needs to ban it from happening in porn production?

Now, in the end, people can still watch as much of whatever porn they like. Foreign porn won’t be censored, just porn made in the UK (and I’m sure America is happy to cum to the aid of her British forebearer, LOLZ). But what’s really at stake here is the slippery slope of censorship and its control over the liberties and freedoms people should be allowed to enjoy: like sex between two consenting adults, no matter how freaky it might seem.

Luckily, face-f*cking is still alright. Apparently, it’s much safer than face-sitting.

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